I want to join the Air Force but my fiancé doesn't want me to, what should I do?

Question

Apologies in advance for the long post! :)

Joining the RAAF was something that I was seriously considering doing when I was in my final year of high school, but instead I moved and worked interstate. (FYI this was before I even met my fiancé. I've now been with him for over 2 years).

Since moving back to my home state, studying at for a year and meeting him, I've been stuck in a jobless rutt no matter how many positions I apply for which has made me quite miserable. Then one of the employees at my job service provider mentioned how he was in the navy for a few years and how it helped set him up and all the amazing things he's been able to achieve in his life so far. This obviously piqued my interest in the RAAF again and began researching/looking through the recruitment website.

So... this is where it got tricky. I tried to breach the subject of applying to him and he pretty much shot me down and didn't give me the chance to voice my reasons. Dead set against it. He basically said that he wouldn't be able to handle being apart during training and didn't want to move away from his home, family and his factory job, also he went on about how his cousin in the RAAF is moving around the country every few years with his wife and how he didn't want that lifestyle etc... (I wasn't really listening to his rambling, he carries on a bit too much lol). From my standpoint all I was hearing was his woes and negativity. I do understand that it will be difficult when we are apart, but the way we are now I don't expect him to move, his job is quite good and I honestly believe that emotionally we're in a great spot.

I love him with all my heart, but I want to be able to create a career for myself, so we can buy a house together and aren't struggling to make ends meet all the time (and not be so dependent - ie: we're at his parents house at the moment for petes sake!). I'm already 22, quite fit and the positions I'm interested in only have a 4 year service period which gives civil accreditations (transferable skills etc), not to mention the life experience that goes with it. I can handle being away from home and family, I've done it by myself before. I just don't want to get to 40 years look back and be unsatisfied with what I have (or haven't) done with my life.

This is something that I would really love to do, I don't know how I can help him understand that It would be better for us both in the long-run (even If I do only opt for 4 years service). I don't want us to fall apart and want to make this work. And get out of his parents house! :p

So if anyone has had a similar experience with a partner unwilling to let you join and how you got around it or any advice to share, I'll gladly take it! :')

Answer 1

you should try and join reserves. they arent training as much so there will be less time away from eachother than if you went full time, i also think that it may be tax free money paid too.



if he still doesnt want to change his life style because of your amitions i am sorry to say but you need to choose one over the other. sorry.

my girlfriend doesnt really want me to join the army cause she doesnt really like the military, but she has come to accept it...and you should try to make your fiancee to accept your decisions too.

Answer 2

You've obviously got a big choice on your hands... a military career or the very real possibility of losing your boyfriend. His concerns about separation are valid. Frankly, he's probably concerned that you'll meet someone else while you're away (which is a possibility). And long-distance relationships are difficult to maintain.



There is no way to get around that reality other than sitting down and talking to him about it. But if he still balks at the idea... then you need to decide which is more important to you and accept the consequences.

Answer 3

Here are things you absolutely PROVED - in the order they appear - unless you're a lying liar lying lies out of your lie-hole.



> Joining the RAAF was something that your fiance had NO IDEA you were ever considering. This is rock-solid proof that either you were NOT "seriously considering" it or that you really don't care much about him. Decide which is true - and one of them IS - and your choice will be made.

> He WILL NOT "wait for you."

> It's settled. You DO NOT in fact particularly care about him. Go ahead. Join the Air Force. Just don't pretend to be mortified when he starts ******* someone else - in as much as you honestly don't give much of a ****.

> See? YOUR PLAN is to BE APART. What did I say? Just do him a favor and dump him NOW. You CERTAINLY will at some point anyway. I realize your plan is to wait until you're married, have kids etc so you can TOTALLY **** UP HIS LIFE for decades to come, but seriously, that will be stressful for YOU as well, so just dump him now.



Think of the time you can spend crushing other guys that way. Instead of committing YEARS to ruining ONE guy you can eviscerate the hearts of SEVERAL by never letting it go that far. See? win-win situation for you. Sign-up - dump him. As a compromise I'll allow you the added pleasure of dumping him by letter from boot-camp right before you'd get leave for a visit. (you know you want to)

Answer 4

I think that he should support you if he loves you the way he says. I hear things like this, and the first thing that comes to mind is "controler". Is he a controler? I have a feeling that he is afraid of you becoming more educated and smarter than he is. Since you guys are not married yet, YOU definitely need to do what is good for YOU. After you get what you want in order, then get married. You can't get anywhere with a negative person. They are not open for dicussing anything of inportance.

Answer 5

it relatively is extremely almost particular which you does no longer be stationed close to one yet another, and no risk of having a similar base. in case you adult adult males pick this function, then you somewhat'll additionally might desire to devise to be aside for many of your 4-twelve months provider. you will basically see one yet another for the period of go away, so plan on spending a maximum of 30 days a twelve months at the same time, or an entire of four months over your 4-twelve months provider term dedication. of direction, in case you have a toddler on a similar time as in the army you're able to desire to compliment to chop up honorably (in case you had to). That aside, if the two one in each and every of you somewhat have faith you could handle this quantity of separation, then decide for it. basically bear in mind that love on my own is often no longer sufficient to take care of a healthful courting.

Answer 6

The solution is simple, if not easy. You have to choose which is more important to you. I know that isn't much help as way of advice, but that's the way it is sometimes. Either way seems like you may end up regretting the choice you make, but ultimately it is your choice to make; you shouldn't let your boyfriend make it for you.

Answer 7

Pick one.