My fiance is deployed and I can't stop worrying?

Question

My fiance is deployed overseas. I'm not allowed to say where, but it's in the Middle East and it's close to where there is ongoing conflict. He's not with the US army, but I also am not allowed to say where.

Anyway, he's been over there for 132 days and has 79 to go.

Sometimes I'm ok with it, I keep busy and know that they wouldn't be put in a situation that would jeopardize their safety. But then other times I can't think straight and want to cry. He can't tell me what he does over there. All I can know about his day is what he eats and if he went to the gym or had PT.

My best friend (who doesn't have any experience with this sort of thing) just says I "worry too much". His and my family started off really supportive, but now they don't seem to even think or mention it. If they do, they want to know how he's doing - and I don't know!!

I usually get a few emails a few, we might get half an hour Skype once a week and the occasional letter.

I study full time, work, have friends and family around, have a room mate, have hobbies and are looking after properties that we own together. But there is only so busy you can keep yourself.

I know we are so close, but I feel like the final part is going to be the hardest.

Anyone have any suggestions or tips? Thanks.

Answer 1

There are tons of Military Wives/Fiances/Girlfriends FB groups and even groups that meet physically on every base, that is a much better place for you to find support for what you are going through. Obviously this is not the right forum for you to find sympathy and support.

Answer 2

1. It would be great if you removed even any description of where he is, no matter how vague. Military / contractor deployments are stressful no matter how long they are or where they take place.



2. You can take solace in the fact that he's already served more than half of his deployment. The best thing you can do for someone when they're deployed is stay in continuous contact (like you're doing), and also just spend time with friends or invest time on a new project at work or ace a test or pick up a new hobby. From the deployed person's perspective, it's always great to hear how well things are going at home, and for the person who's stuck at home, it helps to focus on things you can actually do instead of worrying about something that you can't change.

Answer 3

I would say to just relax. He has served more than half of his deployment like the other user said and has the rest to go. I'm sure where he is stationed is not endangered or vulnerable to be attacked and/or taken over by the enemies. Try to keep yourself busy when you become worried of your fiance, or anything actually. Doing something you enjoy can take your mind off of things you don't want to think about. I hope this helps you out

Answer 4

You are not the first and you won't be the last to have a boy toy deploy. Get Over It and drop the Drama Queen act. Consider yourself lucky that you at least have E Mails and Skype once in a while. In the not too distant past all that people who deployed had was snail mail and/or huge phone bills to keep in touch.



Your worrying isn't going to change a dang thing and your families probably don't bring it up because you do and they are tired of the Drama Fest...

Answer 5

What do you want from us? Being in the service is dangerous, being a civilian contractor with the military is dangerous, even being a news reporter is dangerous. If you are worried then you are responding normally to the situation.



What you have to do is ensure you took steps in case the worst happens. Do you have a job so you can support yourself if something happens to him. Did he take out a life insurance policy to ensure you are not left destitute and the kids will get to college? Do you have access to the bank accounts? Is all the property held as joint tenants so you do not have to go thru probate if he is killed? Take care of that stuff and you will have less to worry about.

Answer 6

Delete your post immediately as you gave out too much information. And talk to Jodie. He's a real good listener and can help you cope with your boyfriend being gone.

Answer 7

You should go talk with a therapist or counselor about this before it eats you alive. Your school probably has a free counseling service - check them out. Worrying about your fiance is doing neither of you any good, and you seem to be letting this pointless worry take over your life. A counselor most likely will suggest constructive ways to deal with the worry, though you may need to see several before you find one you can work with.

Answer 8

you are waaaayyyy too close to violating OPSEC.. far too precise( 132, days in, 79 to go)



all your descriptions of what is going on around him.. do you think no one pays attention to the news?! you have, without saying anythings specific ALREADY established where he is.



you need to SHUT UP about ANYTHING related to his deployment on a public site.



as for not being able to hack it.. then get therapy. we all worry when our loved ones are deployed. tis how we DEAL with that worry that separates the wimps from the strong ons.



AND STOP STALKING THE NEWS CHANNELS for references to where he is.

Answer 9

If he can email you every other day and Skype for 1/2 an hour...

each week...damn he must have a cushy job with lots of time on

his hands...



To tell you the Truth...

If he isn't in the US Military...

We really don't give a "Rates A**" where he is,

or interested in what he is Doing"...

(Cause that just makes him a Mercenary...)

Answer 10

I'm currently deployed in the middle east as well and I don't skype or e-mail my family at all. Occassionally I will call home with a calling card to see what's going on, but I don't make it an every day thing. TO be honest, it's better not to think about home and family while you're away, because it may cause un needed stress and it definitely makes time go by slower.



Yes there are still people dying. I see the names on the screen updated almost every week as recent as 2 weeks ago. It's very unlikely that anything will happen though, and just remember this is the strongest military in the world and he is over half way through his deployment and nothing has gone wrong .



By the way ignore the angry army wife whining about opsec. You aren't allowed to give exact locations and dates, but are allowed to say things like "a few weeks" or a general time frame like "december".. Upon return you are allowed to give the date, and a general time frame, but not exact time. You come here for advice not to get attitude from some fat military spouse who sits here all day trying to get points



He'll be home soon, just hang in there and good luck!

Answer 11

You worry too much.

Answer 12

I know where he is at.. He will be fine

Answer 13

Why maintain a relationship with someone who does not want to be near you.