First deployment..should I be feeling like this?

Question

My husband (he's in the Army) is deployed to Afghanistan; this is his first deployment Is it normal for my feelings to go up and down? I will feel happy and competent one minute and stressed/anxious/sad the next..it's odd because I'm not a "feelings" type of person. He's only been gone for three weeks!! We have a whole year to go. I don't think my family gets it; somehow I don't really think you can understand this unless you are a Military spouse who has gone or is going through a deployment. I feel so sad and worried about my husband all the time. He is my best friend and we are very close...which makes it even harder. I feel like a huge space in my life is gone right now. How can I make this easier on both of us? I never thought it would be this difficult. I know it's hard for him too.

Please don't leave rude/nasty comments. This is a serious Q and I'm looking for real answers. Thanks.

Answer 1

You are 100% right. It is very difficult on the families as well as the soldiers, especially first time deployment. If you are living on base, they have a lot of support groups you can look into and meet people who are feeling just like you. I am a mother of a son that was deployed to Iraq the first time for 15 months. Best way to communicate is through the internet, where you can see each other and talk. Even better then being on the phone. I did not live on base to join a group, however, at the time, I did call my home town hall. They had a group that was very supportive, that helped me and others through the rough times. Know that you are not alone. You and your soldier will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 2

No matter what you do these feeling are normal especially if it is your first time apart like this, but the first few weeks are always the hardest and i know everybody has probably told you this but it really does get easier after time. Get past the first month and you will start to get used to it a little bit more.

Do not lock yourself away this is the worst thing you can do, you need to carry on as normal as possible, keep busy so you are not thinking the same things over and over. Does his unit not have social clubs/activities for spouse/partners while they are deployed ? Ours do but that may not happen with the U.S. forces i'm not sure, but may be worth looking into as then you will be mixing and chatting with women in exactly the same situation as you, which my wife says always helped her anyway.

And don't forget good old fashioned letters or parcels to him, he will get his post regular and just a simple letter from home helps a lot, although he may not be able to contact you as much, he will get admin time for mail, emails etc at some stage.

Answer 3

Get in touch with your husbands home based unit and either the commander or first shirt. They will be able to refer you to some mental health people and support groups that can help you to understand this and better deal with it. As you have already stated a year is a long time and all the services have counselors, mental health specialists, and support groups already set up that can help you with some of this and dealing with it and I urge you to make use of them sooner rather than later.



Deployments are hard on both the military member as well as his family and a year is a long time to face these hardships on your own without any help so make the call. That's why they are there and available for you.

Answer 4

Yes, it's normal.



I've been on two deployments; the first one was the most difficult for both me, and my wife. Neither one was entirely easy, but the first one's always the toughest for both parties. People really do underappreciate just what military spouses (and their kids) go through during deployments; but then, most people have their noses buried so deeply in their own lives and problems that it's difficult for them to understand or appreciate someone else's suffering, unless they've been through the same thing themselves.