Question:
Is there anything my fiancé can do to come home from Japan (Marine Corps)?
anonymous
2015-11-04 02:26:37 UTC
My fiancé has been stationed in Okinawa, Japan for about two years now. Just this year he was informed that he could be coming home November 10th-17th. He had done everything he needed to do such as turn in his TDS form and all that jibber jabber to get it all signed and approved. Him and I have plans to marry as well as get a house not to mention I have my college registrations in November as well. This also includes the fact that I am moving to where his next duty station will be and attempt to seek employment. All of these things I have to do and that we have to do together is being ruined by the Marine Corps because they took too long to sign his papers but allowed another Marine to come home in November? What the hell is this bullshit? Veterans don't deserve to be kept longer somewhere all because the chain of command was to lazy to sign a god damn paper. Families want their loved ones home for Thanks giving. I think he's done his time and this is just utter nonsense. Its got him and I both furious. I got **** to do with my life and so does he. I'm just being realistic here. I am understanding that in some cases he may not have a choice but in this issue he must have some kind of right which he can use to come home. He's done his time, he's busted his *** working really hard. He's already gotten checked out of everything except his unit or battalion whatever its called and he already has his next duty station assigned to him. Please help I really want this Marine home!
Thirteen answers:
NWIP
2015-11-04 05:44:22 UTC
Nope absolutely nothing at all.



First remember you are hearing what HE wants you to hear not necessarily what is the whole truth. There is probably more to the whole picture than you realize.



Second orders can always be delayed, changed or canceled even at the last minute. Friends were in Japan getting ready to leave for North Carolina on a plane in 2 hours and he got called in to be told that they were now going to California Their household goods didn't arrive where they were until 3 months later.



Third part of being involved with someone in the military is understanding that your plans including marriage, college, moving, etc mean ZERO to them, especially as a fiancé. Only one out of 5 was able to make it to our wedding, heck my fiancé was lucky to get it at all.



Now ex missed our son's first Christmas and birthday, our kids first steps, first days of school, first sports game and I have lost count of what else that is part of the military.



Point blank SUCK IT UP!!
Michaela
2015-11-06 04:04:18 UTC
When i got done reading your diatribe.... all i could say was "wow!". you mention you are 'older individuals' - tell you what, you could have fooled me! you come across as a SPOLID BRAT in need of a good spanking or two. my guess is you didn't see many of those growing up and THIS is what your boyfriend gets as a result of your parent's poor upbringing of you. I would have guessed you were 17-19 tops. in any event, you have a LOT to learn on how all of this works when it comes to the military.. and LIFE in general. oh i know, i know.. 'don't answer rudely or i will report you'. i guess i can count on getting a thumbs down. but do you want people to be HONEST with you, or not? sometimes the news we get is bad, or not what we want to hear. that doesn't mean it is negative or that people are trying to be rude. i am a straight shooter. i prefer it when people are blunt with me, so i will be nothing less with you.



You stated something that is key, but then just as quickly forgot...." Just this year he was informed that he COULD be coming home November 10th-17th". there is a KEY WORD i emphasized in your statement. 'could'. that is how the military works. The fact someone else PCS's before him has absolutely NOTHING to do with your boyfriend's specific situation. the other Marine may be in a different field and the base he is going to may need him sooner. assignments, transfers, PCS's are all on the needs of the service. your boyfriend may be leaving something out, or he may not know. My husband had short-notice PCS's, and short notice deployments. he had an assignment CHANGED on him from base 'A' to base 'X' halfway across the country (from base 'A') AFTER the movers had come and packed out and shipped all of his family's furniture! so it could be worse.



You need to grow up. the last time i checked, the world revolves around the sun, NOT you. Oh the whine! want some cheese and crackers to go with that? all we hear is how the Marines are ruining all of YOUR well-laid plans, how much of an inconvenience this is to YOU, how it is all being RUINED...oh boo hoo hoo. Guess what? The military does not care about YOU. you are a girlfriend. until at which time you are married - you mean absolutely nothing. even ONCE you are married, the mission STILL comes first. if you marry this guy, you can count on him missing birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, family reunions, and other noteworthy events. you may have tickets to a play or show, and the mission changes and he gets to work late or gets restricted to base, and you get to find a friend at the last minute to go with you.



You can blame the military if you want...blame the Marines for being lazy, or for 'not signing a piece of paper' - but chances are there is more going on than you have been told, and honestly, he may have no more information than you do. It's not "BS", it's the mission. this is the way the military operates. the mission will always come first. always. if you cannot accept this, then he needs to come up with an exit plan to get out of the Marines, or you need to find a guy that can be married to YOU first (and not the marines) that you can keep wrapped around your finger and you can wear the pants around the house.



The bottom line is, 'veterans' know the deal. they raise their hand, take an oath, and sign the line. perhaps you were unaware of that and where you fall in the pecking order. you are not first. even my husband knows that the mission comes first, and he is retired after 23 years in the Air Force as a clandestine operator - so i KNOW he gets it. your boyfriend will be kept in Okinawa up until he is released by his command, on the effective date specified on his orders. not until. there is no kind of 'right'. if he misses thanksgiving - big deal. what is thanksgiving? a meal where everyone overeats and watches football you can have a meal at any time.



there is nothing you can do to get him home sooner. he is free to leave when he is released.



i think you are in for a very big culture shock being a military wife. all the b!t_hing and fussing isn't going to do anything other than making you more miserable than you already are. he is in the Marine Corps, not the local Jacycees. he does not have a 9 to 5 job. i think you really need to sit back and ask yourself if you love him enough to overlook this. as long as he is a Marine, it is going to be more of the same.



Good luck. i think you are both going to need it.
James W
2015-11-04 15:15:03 UTC
Your are getting ready to marry into the Marine Corps family. Learn to support your fiancé during the most challenging of times, or either his career won't last long, or your marriage won't.
?
2015-11-04 13:29:08 UTC
Despite what Mommy and Daddy told you when you were growing up about how "Special" you are, the military does not share that opinion.



Your fiancé will be treated like any other Marine and there is nothing either of you can do about it except gut it out.
Mrsjvb
2015-11-04 04:44:09 UTC
if you cannot get over the fact that his leave was denied then quite frankly you will NEVERF EVER EVER survive as a spouse. period.



Guess what: you cannot go by what the other guy got. you cannot go by what some Gunny three years ago did. Leave gets denied all the damn time, especially for senior enlisted who are more valuable and experienced. oh, and a minor holiday like Turkey Day? if yo get all bent out of shape for that, you have NO idea what a world of butt hurt you are about to enter.



Know people that have missed every Thanksgiving or Christmas in a 20 year career. I know people that have 5 kids and missed ALL of their births. I know people that have been stationed so far away form home their entire time in that they could never afford the plane fare back even if they could get leave( including my own stepson who spent 5 years in Mainland Japan/Yokosuka and didn't come 'home' once)



less than a month ago my own damn husband's return from deployment was delayed. 20 years ago when we got married.. guess what.. it was pushed back THREE FREAKING TIMES because the ship kept getting called up to get underway. he missed the first five anniversaries in a row, was home for one and missed the next 3. and my personal favorite: 4 days before we were due to PCS out of Yokosuka, ON MY BIRTHDAY he shows up at the door with a bottle of wine, a bouquet of flowers and a box of candy. why? because they guy who replaced him on the ship was pulled for something else and HE had to get underway. with NO idea when or even IF he'd be back. I had to pack up our worldly belongings and sit in a hotel for 3 weeks while they decided what to do with our lives. oh and in those days we didn't have daily email communication so I was completely in the dark until he got back. 12 hours before we got on the plane returning CONUS.



Bottom line: the Military Spouse Motto is SEMPER GUMBY.



if you cannot handle twists and turns and 1500 last minute changes , leave being denied, orders being changed all willy nilly and generally having ZERP control over your life, you WILL NOT MAKLE IT as a military spouse.
USAFisnumber1
2016-01-19 16:44:24 UTC
Come on now, he went there in an unaccompanied tour. That is a set time, probably two years. For it to be extended, he had to have been informed of it. IMHO he likes it there and voluntarily extended. He just does not want to face your wrath (which is clearly visible in your writing) so he tells you the Marine Corps screwed up so you will be mad at them rather than at him. And by the way, he is not a veteran until he gets out, as long as he is in, his body is Uncle Sams, not your.
usafbrat64
2015-11-04 05:43:07 UTC
"He COULD be coming home". The dates for returning from an overses assignment are not firm until he has his tickets in hand. And even then, they can change. Heck, hubby's FINAL OUT date changed 3 times before he finally signed out on Monday. And that's an E9, with 30+ years, trying to retire! All because they couldn't decide if he could sign his papers on Friday or Monday.

Now, if he's trying to take leave prior to pcsing, that is even more up in the air. If they need him, he's not taking leave. Period, end of story. Hubby loved it when his airmen requested leave leading up to or in the middle of an inspection or exercise.

If HE didn't get his paperwork turned in by the suspense date, then he's sol. There are dates for a reason, and even turning it in an hour late can be a reason for denial or postponement.

And, finally... sometimes what they tell you and what really happened are NOT the same thing. I get this one all the time. Spouse whines to me, I fact check with hubby to verify the story, I go back to spouse to tell her to ask hubby for the REAL story.



So... back to your question.....NO!
?
2015-11-05 08:29:18 UTC
Wow BF probably has a cute little Japanese girl friend and he lives with her. It's called Okinawa Married----Marine is her guy for as long as he is stationed there. I'm not gonna tell you about "the Circle Stage Club" or the all night massage parlors. The Seaman Club is a great place to start the all nighters with Okinawan girl friend. In Kadena Ville has great drive-thur motels which Americans use a lot with their Okinawa Honey.........I beg you please don't report me for being factual and truthful. Woe is me what will they do to me for being reported. Will it be the county workhouse of the state pen...........
Blunt
2015-11-04 03:48:37 UTC
No, you are not being realistic. He is a Marine, not a girl scout. He does what he is told when he is told, not when his needy girlfriend snips his balls.



Secondly, he is not a veteran. He is active duty, so get it straight. His time belongs to the military not you.



Third, if you are upset over "thanksgiving" that happens every year with no fail, then you have harder times coming and your relationship won't last long. Try missing the birth of your children, the funeral of your parents, the wedding of your only sibling, your child's first steps.



Fourth, get it through your skull. You cannot plan ANYTHING in advance in the military. Not weddings, not vacations, not special kissing anniversaries. You hurry up and wait like everyone else. No one is special.



Ps/ your threats are against community guidelines, so is your vulgar language. So if anything, you are the one that needs to be reported.
Socialist+Bayonet=Communist
2015-11-04 03:44:55 UTC
For one thing, you know very little how the military works. You are not his wife...so you do not matter. Sorry but that is how they see it. Why don't you go see him in Japan. It would be a huge surprise....
?
2015-11-04 05:01:02 UTC
Suck it up, buttercup. My first Christmas away from my family was spent at MCRD, Parris Island as OOD for the Women's Battalion. I survived.
?
2015-11-04 04:54:27 UTC
oddly, the world does not revolve around you and your plans.



grow up.



feel free to report.
anonymous
2015-11-04 05:21:53 UTC
"S--- to do in my life". So do it, you whiney little brat. It's time you grew up child.


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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