My Fiancé has called the wedding off right before deployment?

Question

My Fiancé and I have been planning our wedding for the 2 weeks he has off right before he deploys to Afghanistan.


On Thursday he left with a kiss and an I love you to go visit his family while I stayed at home and worked on school work and stayed with our dog. Friday night he didn't call to say good night like he usually does, and he never replied to my good night text message or missed call. I still hadn't heard from him on saturday and was starting to get worried. He never answered a single phone call or called me back and just replied "I am out with dad talk later", but he never called me.
At this point I was getting really upset, he still never called me or replied to any of my texts until Easter Sunday when I finally got in touch with him and was crying because I had no idea why he was ignoring me. He said we needed to talk in person and he didn't want to talk on the phone and that he was out with friends. I of course pressured him into telling me at least what he wanted to talk about and that was us breaking up.

He came back home, refused to hug me, can not look at me in the eyes, and "hopes we can be friends one day" I keep asking him why he broke up with me and why there were no warning signs, or why we don't just call the wedding off if he was stressed and work on us. I am totally ok with taking a step back and not getting married before he deploys (I thoughthat'sts what he wanted).

He said it is to late and that he just doesn't care any more. When I asked why he will not look at me then, he said its because he knows how much he is hurting me and it hurts him too because he still cares about me and a part of him still loves me.

I can never seem to get any straight answers out of him of why such a drastic step especially right before he deploys. I don't understand how he can be making wedding plans with me and then in 4 days decide he doesn't even care or want to work on the relationship anymore when we didn't even talk for those days. I don't know what happened to him, he is not acting like himself any more and he is avoiding me at all costs as well as avoiding the topic every time I bring it up so that I can get answers, he says he needs space and time. I tell him I need answers to start understanding the situation and he refuses.

I don't know if this helps or not, but he said earlier before all this happened that he had a gut feeling he wasn't going to make it back. He also told me he didn't think we would get back together.


I can't get a straight answer out of him, and I would like an opinion of someone who has been in his shoes or mine.

Is this all because of the stress from the deployment or is there something more he is avoiding?

Should I give up on him, or should I keep reminding him of how I am always here for him and how much I love him?

How should I approach this to get some sort of idea of why this is happening so quickly and without warning, and at least have some sort of closure if this really is the end of us?

Thank you for all of your help I really need it

Answer 1

This is pure stress of the deployment. Anyone who says/or thinks that they are not going to come back? Yeah, pure stress.



So it is not you.



I deployed a lot in my 20 years. It cost me one wife who couldn't handle it. If you need to talk you can email me. [e-mail]

Answer 2

Planning a wedding for 2 weeks...really? With all the stress of deployment, you added the stress and pressure of marriage, against a deadline? Rushed marriages almost never work out. Not sure why you needed to add the responsibility of being a new husband on him, as he serves under hostile conditions.



You must understand that he doesn't need this stress, another layer of though, when his life might be at stake. Take a big step back, tell him a rushed marriage was a mistake, and that you will be at home when he returns...and mean it.



He may just feel pressured to marry, and not sure if that's what he wants. He's probably getting it from you, his parents, family, etc.. Most grooms have doubts, then add possible dangerous military service. I might freak too.

Answer 3

People usually do one of two things when it comes to relationships and deployments: marry the person, or break it off. He chose to break it off. He's scared about deployment, and is probably thinking that breaking up will be easier on you than if you get married and he dies there. You have a higher chance of dying driving to work than he does of dying on deployment, but deployment freaks some people out, especially the ones who haven't been yet.



Give him space. If he realizes he made a mistake he'll contact you sooner or later.

Answer 4

It sounds like he does not want to deploy and leave you a widow. He must have some bad feelings about deployment. Not good for him. Nor you. I'm sorry you have to endure this. Sounds like he is trying to be brave and lays no blame on you. Please give him space and time. Let him deploy. Find out, from his Dad or Mom his APO. Or, request it from the military.



NOT the end. Not if you don't yet want it. Give him space, like I said. Then wait for a time. Send him a simple package of food or small travel needs. Send along a photo of you and him. Remind him you still Love and Care. Such a small gift may be just what he will need to refresh his heart and cheer a bad day. Or, wait quietly and just be at the airport. When he returns. Give him a hug.



Your understanding and question is touching. Good Luck God Bless and may you both find your way back to each other.

Answer 5

Give him plenty of space and time. He may really be stressing over the deployment. The odds are that he'll contact you when he's had some time to sort things out in his mind.

Answer 6

As a person who has served I understand his fear behind deploying and from what I have read it appears that he doesn't want you to put your life on hold by waiting for him because he's afraid that he might not return home safe which I hope to God does not happen I hope that he will return safely unharmed I feel like his decision is hurting him just as much and his way of coping with it is by ignoring you don't push too hard because he might pull away from you even more but let him know you'll always be there for him

Answer 7

Marriage is a huge commitment and he probably doesn't want to be stressed out on his deployment by thinking of you. Not to mention he might not want to put you down on a dependent. just say that you love him, don't give up on him.