In the military.. having a hard time. Any advice?

Question

So I’ve been in the military for 4 months now. I know it’s not a long time.. but I’m already having such a hard time. I cry a lot and all I think about is my family and how bad I miss them and just want to go home and live a normal life again. I had a good life before joining. I joined to try to make things better for myself and my family though. As in insurance. I haven’t had insurance since I was a child, so it’s nice to know I have that now. But it’s just so hard on me. I wake up sometimes wishing I never would’ve woke up.. it’s just hard on me. And I’m set to deploy here in 3 months, and I know that’s going to be even harder. I’ve spoken with the chaplain here on base and he helped me but only temporarily. A week later, here I am feeling depressed and second guessing every thing. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Should I try to stick it out and hope it gets better, or should I try to get separated for “failure to adapt”. Which I’ve been told, I would def qualify for that type of discharge. I just don’t want it to affect my civilian life if I were to get out of the military with such discharge. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Answer 1

This post reminds me of George C. Scott in the movie "Patton", when he slapped the cowardly soldier.

But to answer your question - It would be best that you bite the bullet and focus on being a good soldier and do your job to the best of your ability. I highly recommend that you not quit if possible. You took the oath, you signed the papers, now follow through.

Answer 2

My advice is to live up to the contract you signed.



You can't go thru life breaking promises and selling yourself short.



well, you *can*..........but you shouldn't.

Answer 3

My first several months in the military were not a lot of fun in some ways either; mainly because I had an immediate supervisor that was an a$$hole. Once that was changed and another mid level NCO was assigned over me things got a lot better and I went on to serve 34 years in the military. I tell you this in hopes that maybe you can adjust and recover those feelings of why you first enlisted and maybe regain some feelings of happiness. While not everyone is cut out for the military I do think you need to give it more time as well as focus on those reasons of why you originally enlisted along with the positive aspects. That might help some or resolve largely even those feelings of unhappiness and loneliness that you currently are experiencing. So focus on those along with the other positive aspects like being able to go to college once you are out in just over three years along with having a full time job with a full time paycheck and health and dental benefits presently and not still living under your parents roof or in their basement. Also consider taking some leave to visit back home and those you wish to see. Doing so would be good for you in some ways as well as help to show you that things are changing there also and that perhaps some of that which you miss so much is no longer there either because of those changes. Life goes on and moves on but yet there are some that try to stay stuck in it and the way things were or are which is not always possible or a good alternative either. By visiting home you might come to see and realize some of that also and that maybe you should move on with your life and can if you have the desire to do so.

Answer 4

Ever hear of a self fulfilling prophecy? You are unhappy and if all you do is dwell on how unhappy you are and your only solution is to get out then guess what, that is what is eventually going to happen. But you will not get out with a nice honorable discharge, you most likely would get a general discharge. You would lose some of your veteran benefits and employers will want to know why you did not get an honorable discharge. What are you going to tell them? You signed a contract and then could not live up to it? Where is their incentive to hire you if you can not stick it out. I suggest you change your attitude. You are going to be deployed and that is going to be a big change for you, perhaps for the better. Give it a chance, you have only been in four months.

Answer 5

Serve your term. Any military discharge less than a honorable discharge (which a failure to adapt is not considered a honorable discharge) follows you around for life. There’s benefits to being in the military try to focus on those instead of missing home.

Answer 6

It’s called being homesick and being an adult. For crying out loud you are in your 20s not a fresh high school grad. You would have the same issues if you had gone to college or another job out of state. Giving up after a few months isn’t the answer and something you would regret later. . You need to get yourself up out of bed, go to the gym, go for a walk, do a sport, volunteer, study for next advancement exam, go to the movies, see the sights, go to events,, takes classes through Family Center and the list continues. Sitting around isn’t going to help you at all. Plus I’m today’s world you can talk and text constantly to your family. Try going over 100 days with no communication and then you can talk.

Answer 7

My advice is to start acting like an adult.

Answer 8

^_____________________ It's okay to be gay. ____________________

Answer 9

No. Grow up.

Answer 10

You don't have any option, you have to stick it out for the entire duration you signed up for.

Answer 11

Its pretty normal to struggle to adapt at first. My first few months in the Corps were pretty miserable and irritating until I got used to my relocation and all that. Just focus on positive things, work on yourself, talk to people, try to have some fun. Stick it out, you'll get used to it and negative thoughts wont be so prevalent.

Answer 12

"I had a good life before joining. I joined to try to make things better for myself and my family though."



"And I’m set to deploy here in 3 months"



"should I try to get separated for “failure to adapt”. Which I’ve been told, I would def qualify for that type of discharge. I just don’t want it to affect my civilian life if I were to get out of the military with such discharge."





A few things on this. To start with, you ran into the same problem a lot of folks do when they try to join the military to "make life better." You didn't actually research that. Because if you had, you'd know that the military does NOT make life better -- you do. The military does not issue solutions to problems. There is a reason the military has a higher rate of depression and suicide than the background population: Military life is hard. People who join the military with problems just become military members with problems.



You had a good life but joined the military to make life better? Now you want to leave the military for a better life but are worried your discharge will make civilian life harder. Do you see how convoluted and mixed up you are? Your problem is that you keep looking everywhere for solutions EXCEPT where the problem is. The problem is between your ears. The cause of and solution to your problem is found in the mirror. The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. The grass is greener where you water it. Leaving the military isn't going to solve your problems. Staying in the military isn't going to solve your problems. Your problems will continue to follow you until you decide to address them upfront.



How have you been in the military for four months and are deploying in three months? You won't be qualified in your job that soon. There's no way you're a deployable asset yet. You've barely finished basic and AIT/tech school. In fact, I suspect you aren't even done with school yet. There's no way you have orders to deploy yet.



Yes, a failure to adapt discharge can affect your civilian employment if they do background checks. If they don't, it won't. You signed a legally binding contract with the federal government. Breaching that contract comes with consequences.



"Any advice?"



Yes. Keep talking with the chaplain and get yourself some genuine help. You are under the impression your problems are caused by things external to you and that escaping those external situations will make life better. It won't. Because the problem isn't the situation. It's how you respond to it. What you need is to improve your resilience and ability to adjust to change. There are resources to help but you have to seek them out and you have to WANT to do the work to improve. Only you can fix you.

.

Answer 13

Geez...

Answer 14

You chose the road you walk it until discharge time....you signed the dotted line ya see.

Answer 15

The first two years are tough for most recruits. Why is your case unique?

Answer 16

you joined the Navy, and you're having a hard time? the easiest time is the Navy, the best time is the Navy. a quartermaster at that.

Answer 17

The first year is always the worst. Honestly I hated my first year or so and couldn t wait to get out of the Army and back to normality . I Went straight from my 7 Months basic training into a 32 month Operational deployment in Northern Ireland meaning I got very little time back home.

I missed my easy life, my gf, my home comforts, school friends, family etc but then I matured, I started moving up in rank and responsibility, started to make new friends for life, started to be treated as a professional soldier and an adult and started to belong and fit in. It definitely gets better as you progress. I ended up serving 22 years.



It s an old cliche, but you get out of it what you put in. It isn t for everybody but even serving your minimum 4 years active is nothing in the context of you whole lifetime.

Answer 18

Every enlisted that has ever served will tell you it wasn't easy. I wanted to go home in the middle of boot camp but back then it took a congressman or something to get you out. I never regretted sticking with it. You get so acclimated as time passes, things become livable or even happy.. I loved buying a 3 bedroom 2 bath home for a dollar down payment. I enjoy discounts at restaurants and all National Parks are free admittance. College is paid for much of the way. You can't lose, really. May God bless you on your journey

Answer 19

You have homesickness. I had it too. I went away to college quite far from home and the first several months were awful. I missed my family, I didn't know anyone where I was, and I thought I had made a horrible mistake. Then I went home for a visit. You know what I realized? I realized that home is nice, and my family is nice, but what I had set out to do when I left home was important too and I didn't want to quit and go home without any real plan of what I wanted to do instead.



So I stayed. I adjusted. I made friends. I learned a lot of things.



No regrets.

Answer 20

I would take the "failure to adapt" option. You are already at your breaking point, what will you feel like when you're deployed? There's no shame in it. Good luck.