Question:
coming home from deployment plan making!?
Lindsey
2009-06-01 13:23:03 UTC
my husband is coming home from deployment one day after i move into our new house with our infant son. and that will be like in a little less then a month. all of a sudden hes starting to make all these plans with his family and doesnt even seem like he cares that he has never been around his son his whole life and would rather just have us tag along in his adventures of seeing his family. i am fine with him just wanting to see his family for a weekend. but i find it ridiculous he has to go the first weekend hes home and then i have a feeling hes going to want to drive down to his familys everyweekend. for any wifes that are reading this did this ever happen to you.

this is the first time we will be living together and the first time i will be on my own away from my family.
Three answers:
ckamk1995
2009-06-01 14:07:32 UTC
They feel like they have missed so much that they want to "catch up" as soon as they can.



My husband was like this after his first deployment. He wanted to go everywhere and do everything. His second and third deployment, he wanted to stay home the first few months with just him, me, and our girls.



There are a few things you can do. First and foremost though, you will need to tell him how you feel. Tell him that you don't want to stop him from seeing his family, because then he can be upset with you for "stopping" him from seeing his family. But that this is how you feel. Then these are the things that you can do:



1. You can go with him and just suck it up. Tell him that you support him and that is why you are there. But don't argue with him the whole time you are seeing family or be upset the whole time you are there. Try to act like you are enjoying yourself.



2. You can tell him that you really don't feel like going (but I would at least go with him once or twice) and that you really need to stay home with the baby or have him take the baby with him. So you can get some time by yourself and he would get time with his Son and some of his other family members.



3. You two can argue about him not going. And he doesn't go and he will be upset and that will cause more problems later for the both of you.



I doubt that he will be able to go his first weekend home because he should have a distance he will not be able to go beyond until he gets leave.



Again, the only thing I can offer is to talk to him. The most important things in a marriage especially a military marriage is communication and then trust. You need to be able to communicate with each other about how you are feeling and then trust that the other will listen to what you have to say and act accordingly.



But you both need to listen.



Know that you both will need to take some time to get to know each other again when he comes home. That it won't happen right away and that he might feel like an outsider in his own home and with his own children. Let the baby bond with him and also important you two will need some time without the baby to bond again. Have a date night, go out and have some fun without the baby.



Again, I know you know where he has been and what he has been doing. I know you want your time with him and to him to spend time with his son. But he has other ideas to.



Good luck



http://www.nmfa.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home_reunion

http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/coming_home_adjustments_for_military_families

http://www.ehow.com/how_2143470_readjust-family-life-after-deployment.html

http://www.research.va.gov/news/features/deployment.cfm

https://www.usaa.com/inet/ent_utils/McStaticPages?key=advice_deployment_coming_home_main

http://deploymenthealthlibrary.fhp.osd.mil/products/Returning%20to%20Family%20Life%20After%20Military%20Deployment%20(234).pdf

http://www.armywell-being.org/skins/WBLO/display.aspx?mode=user&ModuleId=8cde2e88-3052-448c-893d-d0b4b14b31c4&action=display_page&ObjectID=a904d15d-36ae-4313-878f-f7b04f13b86c&AllowSSL=true
hlboin_2005
2009-06-01 22:25:19 UTC
Right now he misses his family.. He knows he will get to see you as soon as he gets home and probably assumes you will go where ever he goes...As for the new child..im sure he is excited to meet him but if he's never seen him he doesnt understand the bond he will feel for the child once he sees him...give him a little slack and credit...since he is just coming back from deployment and your just starting a life together..it will be hard adjusting for awhile..just be prepared for that. They usually will tell you at a re deployment meeting not to expect certain things just go with the flow. good luck
anonymous
2009-06-01 20:48:55 UTC
Stop being so selfish...he has been the one in the desert all this time. If he wants to see his family then let him! If he wants to go to a freaken lawn gnome convention, LET HIM! Let him relax without worrying about you nagging and bitching as soon as he steps off the plane. If I were you I would be more focused on the fact that he is home and you finally get to spend time with him, who cares who you share it with.


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