How should I help my sister with her money-withholding husband?

Question

My sister got pregnant last march and married her boyfriend who is in the air force. He refuses to give her a dime, not even for groceries. My grandparents pick up the food bill, while the military takes care of their housing, water, electricity, ect., and my mom still takes care of my sisters car payments and insurance. After going over the budget with my sister, the only things they actually have to pay for would be his car payments/insurance and their phone bills (no cable or internet btw). My sister attempted to get a job, however it did not work so well due to her pregnancy, and as of a week ago, her new baby boy. Now my grandparents are withdrawing their help, as my sister's husband uses my sister to mooch money from them. My mom is also getting frustrated and is begining to threaten withdrawl. They are hoping that it will force my sister to corner her husband into finally giving some money or access to money for groceries or leave him. While I agree with this, seeing as her husband is not very....trustworthy (a bit of an understatment..unfaithful...), I am now getting concerned due to her husbands up coming deployment. Without him around at all, my sister will have absolutely no cash. Another very big problem is that she is not her husband's benificiary (if something happens to him). I am now getting concerned and want to find a way to help my sister without just handing over money. I want her to be taken care of the right way.

I am also married to a guy in the Air Force (the exact opposite) and have spoken to a few other military spouses who claim that if my sister talks to her husbands commanding officer, that they can help her out by "manning up" her husband. Does anyone know if that would actually work? Can a commander influence personal life if it is needed? If so what can I do to help my sister, and If not, does anyone have any good advice as to what I should do?
I love my sister dearly but I feel that this is getting way out of hand.
Oh and please be respectful with comments :)

Answer 1

She should talk to his first sergeant (I'm assuming he is enlisted). However, it sounds like it's time for a divorce attorney. Keep in mind that because of the Soldiers and Sailors Civil Relief Act, she probably won't be able to get anything accomplished with the divorce while he is deployed, if he decided to contest the divorce.

Answer 2

You should go to his house each day that you should have visitation with your children with a different witness as often as possible and keep a journal. He is in contempt of court if he is not allowing you to see the children. After this goes on for a couple weeks, then contact your lawyer and tell him you have been trying for 2 weeks and are getting no-where. He will contact your EX's lawyer. If your EX continues with this pattern, this is actually good, you may end up getting joint custody and end up with the primary physical custody. Just have a little patience. Once he knows you have a lawyer, he will know you mean buisness. Make sure you get a good lawyer. I sat in a divorce court room and saw two different lawyers just kick butt and were very much respected by the judge, that is how I picked. You can also see how they are personality wise, too.

Answer 3

If he is recieving BAH or other seperate pay the Air Force uses, then that money is for his dependants, not him. Their should be no reason she has to go to her family for money when the money the military is paying HIM, is for HER and their child. He can get into some big trouble with this if she decides to report him. The money is not for him to go out and spend on the weekends or waste on unessasary bills. Its to provide for his dependants and thats it! Im assuming that what you meaning is that he is simply wasting all of their money, not managing it correctly, therfore sending them into unessasary debt. If this is the case then she should report him for the good of herself and child.



Hope I somewhat helped w/ your question

Answer 4

ever heard of child support?

my recomendations:

first, he DOES NOT loves her, with that in mind, she should get a divorce, go and live with her parents, and get as much money as she can for child support, get a job and start a new life. and by the way, if she continues to live with him, poor of her, bcz her situation will never improve.

Answer 5

since they are living on base she cant get his bah.... she can try going to the commander - it might work - it might not....... i understand you wanna help your sister - maybe she needs to stand up and say screw you if you wont support your son and wife then i am leaving..... as for the beneficiary - there is nothing she can do... if something does happen then she is out of luck i am sorry to say..... i understand why your family is withdrawing their help.. they shouldnt have had to help to begin with.... good luck on your situation if you need to talk feel free to write me www.myspace.com/woodstock0485